A day in the life of an average achiever vol. 1

Inside and out.

The average achiever wakes up at 8. It's a very new thing. She took a German course that starts every day at 9am because she can't force herself to do it on her own (both learning German and waking up). For an average achiever that is the most difficult thing to do. And here she pays. Quite a bit so she might as well go. Like a random guy on the street the other day told her friend that he will teach her how to play a mouth harp but he will charge her because that's how she will learn. When she is paying. Makes sense. She said she can't do it now cause she has pain in her diaphragm from too much blowing. Makes sense too.

The average achiever also likes mornings. It's the most wonderful part of the day. But mornings don't seem to like her much and are avoiding her most of her life. Unless she surprises them by stumbling out of a bar during one. But she loves mornings, especially if it's sunny. Which by some strange perverted mood swing of Mother Nature (or maybe because the Germans put their hands on HAARP as she has been informed on the streets of Berlin recently) was happenning for the last months and months. Not a thing you would expect here. Even if it wasn't though, the average achiever's mum bought her a super warm jacket and super hot shoes so it's not a problem. Yes, the average achiever still gets clothes from her mum because 1. she hates shopping 2. her mum loves shopping 3. her mum would buy her a package of "period pants" and some "clothes for grown up woman" instead 4. because she is an average achiever which equals to an average earner and super warm jackets and super hot shoes are expensive 5. she would rather be cold and spend that money on travelling. Or partying. Cause that's what average achievers love.

 Anyway, recently she does get up and she manages to get out. She looks herself in the mirror, realises she looks like shit. Because that's how average achievers look like in the morning, especially when they have hair which has a life on its own and tendency for eye bags. But it doesn't matter because she goes to a language course and nothing ever happens on a language course. Or over a salad, she has been told.

People are going to work. Most of them seem to hate that fact. Most of her hates that fact as well. They say you should do what you love. How many people in this world actually do what they love? She doesn't know many, maybe a few. And these few she hid from her facebook newsfeed. Because they annoy her with doing what they love. It's like those people that somehow seem to have 50 hours in one day and manage to do ten different things and they are really really good in those ten different things they do. And have very interesting hobbies. And they are really good in their hobbies. And they speak seven languages. And they look good. And they eat healthy. And drink a lot of water. And their friends are super interesting. And they have seen places. And did stuff. And helped people. And are politically correct. And travel by bikes. And react to bad things peacefully. And react to bad people in the best manner. And have no accent in any of the languages they speak And are in perfect normal loving relationships. And probably have multiple orgasms every day. And sometimes they pour ice buckets over themselves.

It's not the kind of people you should have on your newsfeed.

But luckily, they are a minority. Most of the others hate what they do. But even if there was a chance for an average achiever to do what she loves, she would probably say: "Sure, WOW, that's amazing!", post it on facebook "I just got the best job offer - to do what I love" and then never call the guys back because she doesn't know what that actually is. Or somebody would call her for a beer in the meantime, she would get drunk and forget about it. Or she would take a job in a bar instead. But it would be a great story over a beer for the next few weeks. And the story would end up with a question So why exactly did you take a job in the bar instead? Mmm, I forgot. Probably it was too much pressure. But anyway what would you think about if you did what you love? What do people dream about when there is nothing left to dream about? So for an average achiever that's enough. The average achiever settles for a job that provides the basic wage with as less hours as possible so she can think the rest of the day about dream jobs and places; a tiny chance to save something for travelling and working for people that are actually nice. Because the average achiever met a lot of bad people. But sometimes, only sometimes they are really really nice human people. And that's what makes her happy. And it is enough. Averagely enough.

The average achiever loves language courses because of grammar. She has no idea how to speak and lacks three months of vocabulary because they decided to put her to the fourth month (because she is good in grammar). They didn't realise that she doesn't have any vocabulary and grammar for her is like solving puzzles. It might as well be any language. Therefore, most of the time she is silent. The surplus in "grammar learning skills" definitely took its toll in "speaking foreign languages" (and coordination in space for that matters).

Sie wollen das Leben positiver sehen? 

But it doesn't really matter because nothing ever happens in language courses. A lot of small talk. Everybody being nice and respectful to everybody. Occasionally singing happy birthday in German for an embarrassed birthday boy / girl and a lot of stories about what they ate / did yesterday. Mostly they are all very young and came to Berlin to study. Nobody seems to be strange, weird, passionate, quirky, insane or a psychopath. So not her type of people. She put them immediately in the "Normal box" (which is naturally beige), hanged a sign "Interaction only when forced by basic manners" and never gave them a chance. Once she laughed cause a Russian girl was explaining where she found her Italian boyfriend and she said Zu Hause. And when teacher asked how did they hook up since she just speaks Russian, she said I gave him Vodka. Brilliant. The average achiever then switched off till the end of the class thinking about a situation where women find little men in their cupboards or on top shelves and give them vodka and they grow and become their boyfriends. It is not a thought you would share on your language course even if you knew how the hell to say it in German. Once a guy that she met asked her about the strangest job she had and she described volunteering on The Great Wall Of Vagina. The next day he wrote it in an essay "A strange job of my friend" for his German course. Everybody was blushing. The teacher was embarrassed. The average achiever immediately liked the guy.

During the break, she goes out to smoke and drink coffee. Naturally. She is Croatian and that is what Croatians do. And preferably not to talk to anybody. It's morning, it is not a good time to converse. So she is doing very important stuff on her phone and is thinking will she ever learn this language and was it a good idea to move here. Should have learnt Spanish, Spanish is easy. And live on Cuba. But people are small in Spanish speaking countries. Which means men are small in Spanish speaking countries. Which means "Everything falls into the water." Together with "The granny with the cakes already passed by." So she better stick to Berlin. And it is fun here, and funny. Today just by being awake for ten minutes, she saw 3 funny things - a granny in a disco jacket with Shiva print on it swearing in Croatian at her old man that was helping her to walk, a packet of eggs with a blond girl in a black bra and white shirt holding a chicken and a leaflet in a supermarket for meditation with Amma, the hugging mother that is happening tonight in Berlin. In Croatia you can be awake for years and not see anything funny. So Berlin it is. Besides, this is a country where men sit while they pee. And that is a funny enough reason to live here.

Germans and chickens

It is noon. The course finished and it is breakfast time. Noon is always the breakfast time - the average achiever either 1. wakes up at that time if there is nothing else to do 2. comes home after the course to eat since her original morning breakfast consists solely of coffee and cigarettes. If she got drunk the night before liters of water as an extra. Sometimes she feels her life is just a series of Turkish breakfasts at noon, and if she is lucky it's the salmon day. It usually lasts minimum an hour. And then coffee and cigarettes as a dessert. The plans are being made, what is obligatory to do today, what can be postponed for tomorrow and are there any other options. Like snail races. Or fetish street festivals. Or sunny day in a park. Or weird hipster exhibitions. Or dates. But that one is tricky. 1. Is it possible to go on a date today? 2. If yes, is it a new person and would it require a lot of small talk? 3. If yes, will she be in the mood for small talk? 4. If no, does the guy look interesting enough to go through the small talk? Usually the idea is ditched unless it is that time of the month when the hormones are playing their mind fuck game and the body needs to know that there is a possibility on focusing that overload of energy towards something male. But just a possibility is enough. Nobody is actually going to do anything. It will be postponed for later. Like average achievers do.

Or not.

But this one is a busy one. Not with dates though. The average achiever runs to prepare some flats for guests. Funny thing, those jobs. No matter how low skilled the job is, there is always so much to learn. The lower the job, the more you learn of human nature. Want to know more about people or the world we live in? Get a job as a cleaner, or in a factory or in a bar. Cleaning is great for it (so great is the cleaning). Now the average achiever knows that there are some people out there that glue the sheets to the mattress with superglue on all four corners and that some leave a bag of weed for the cleaner, that there are some strange looking sex toys out there and that some throw food on the floor while they eat and later walk on it.

(hopefully not in my apartment)

While working in the bar, she can observe people, she can see how people behave when they like somebody, how people respond to being liked, how people gradually get drunk and she can listen to nonsense they are saying. She can also learn a lot about herself from all of those, usually cringing about something somebody has said (fremdschaemen) and realising - Yeap, done that. and make little mental notes along Try not to be that person the next time you are 1. drunk 2. like somebody 3. are being liked. Although you'll probably fail (exactly because you are 1. drunk 2. like somebody 3. are being liked). When you are working in a bar, it is not the same as when you are sober in a bar. When you are sober in a bar, you are still part of it and you probably hate every single person in the room with their zombie behaviour (talking of which, try to wake up early and go to a metro on Sunday around 5am, now that is an experience). But if you work in a bar, you are The Observer, the kind of Observer that makes it all exist by observing. And giving them the drinks of course. Nothing would ever be noticed if you were not there. Sometimes she is imagining she is actually at home and watching a movie of a bar or even better playing a video game - you have to take and serve as many orders. The only difference is that she should be charming, in German. Which she thinks should be also implemented in the video game.

Apart from this, she realised she actually likes everything about working in a bar. Or maybe working in this particular bar. And there is definitely such a special pleasure about throwing bottles into the bin (for glass, of course) and crashing the glass along the way. The noise is so disturbing and loud that it makes it somehow pleasant. And friends told her she looks as if she is in her own environment when standing behind the bar. Something like caged animals that are put back into the wilderness they actually belong to. And she decided to go along with that. Because that's what average achievers do.

caged animals support society. everybody gets a colorful necklace.

Many times the average achiever's father told her "You are such a smart girl and you are so good in so many things but you just don't want to get up in the morning. That's your problem."

True story. Together with Not wanting to step into the wet with her socks. That's even worse.

my father's thoughts

To be continued...Or not. You never know.

P.S. Now that I've said it, something will probably happen on the language course. And probably something that will change the course of history. As it usually does.

P.P.S. Update: It's not that nothing has happened on the language course. The language course itself didn't happen. Due to an average average achiever's unfortunate set of events aka "Let's go for a beer."

the average achiever in the morning