Running down the dream

Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think it’s in my basement, let me go upstairs and check.

I was walking down the street and I saw It. Stephen King's It, not a guy wearing a clown costume but the very It. So I yelled: "Hey, man, how are you? Haven't seen you since we worked together! I am going to the Folk the floods concert for Croatia, Bosnia and Serbia tonight, why don't you come along?" It responded: "No, people will stare at me, I am a clown." Me: "Nooooo, this is Berlin, you can be whatever you want to be, nobody gives a shit!" It: "OK, maybe you're right, see you tonight!" And It left and I was thinking: "Wow, he is quite tall, I wonder how he looks like under the mask..."

Unfortunately, It never came to the concert and I didn't have a chance to check It under the mask. When I explained the dream to my friend, she said I should never use drugs. And maybe should go to a psychiatrist. I remember my dreams almost every day and most of them are insane. I don't need to go to a psychiatrist though. A random fact - if you ever wanted to google your crazy dreams to check if there is maybe something wrong with you, don't. In the end of the session, you will have cancer or brain tumour. The same goes for Cramp in my left arm. Or A red spot on my face. 
Anyway, apart from the brain tumour, there is nothing wrong with me. It's you. It's not "It's not you, it's me." It's "It's you, it's not me." You just can't remember. As I cannot remember things that happen in reality. But I have Aleksandra (a non-drunk that parties like one) and Lana (a drunk that remembers like non-one). And you don't get anyone in your dreams. Ha-ha! 

So here is a (not so) short list of popular themes, almost but not particularly in that order of preference but No. 1 is definitely No.1. 


10. Body and Mind

I have a few separate entities that drive my dreams and they are all on drugs. There is Body and there is Mind. Body usually appears as a voice telling me to eat fruit, or drink water, or eat spinach, or "Marijana, you have malaria!" (and I wake up with 30 bites). On the other hand, Mind is a problem-solver that tends to be obsessed with my fears and puts me into situations where I am completely freaked out like walking down a broken rope bridge thousands of meters up in the air or jumping of a cliff or doing a speech in front of hundreds of people or touching a spider. And while it is happening, it is telling me to calm down and that everything will be fine. Fucker.

9. Conscience
And then you get Conscience. Like this week. First I dreamt that it is important to sleep as less as possible cause every moment will be shorter in time and there will be much more of them and their importance will be much greater cause they all act as pieces of an infinite puzzle in the future and the more pieces you fill in, the more...I don't know what happens but it was important to fill in the puzzle as much as possible. And then a few days later I got a better explanation. Very simple. If you sleep a lot it means that you consider your dreams better than your reality. In that case, your reality will definitely be worse than your dreams. But if you start to sleep less making your mind believe that reality is great, the reality will turn out great. And all that elaboration because I felt guilty for sleeping too much. And I wasn't even stoned.

8. Nothing but trouble

Troublesome dreams occur when I am not as happy as I usually am (duh!), just to make things extra worse so not only that I am looking for a job and not finding it in reality but I am also looking for a job and not finding it in my dreams. You can also get tear gassed by Turkish police during the day and then some more during the night, with extra police brutality sequences in the dream. Or was it in reality? :D
Trying to escape from talking walls that are trying to crush me, that was fun. Although someone explained to me in the dream that you have to treat them nicely and they will go away. Talking walls. 

If walls could talk: Xena and the blond girl clips with Celine Dion in the background. Never knew!

7. Apocalypse 
I am Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis and Will Smith, all in one. Different versions of apocalypse are reoccurring, so I punched zombies in the face many times, went to Norway to watch a timed tsunami that will make human race extinct, stole chicken legs in a supermarket after the floods that killed 90% of humanity (they would go bad soon), fought in war many times (on different sides, never Croatian) and lived in post-apocalyptic scenarios without water, electricity and sewer. Ah no, wait, that was in India.  

And this is not India. Or apocalypse. This is Brighton.

6. Travelling

Travelling and hitch hiking are the most common dreams when I am stuck in one place. So I travelled all around the world, lived in hippy communes in Italy, had babies in Brazil, lived in a tree house, went on a sailing vacation with 10 transvestites and took numerous one way tickets. And even in my dreams I have that moment "Shit, I am doing it again. Poor mum. My dad will kill me." Guilt imposed by parents runs deep down. 

5. Elaborate sex dreams

A small digression - I once read in a Yoga book that for every affair we have, we will be reborn to satisfy that person throughout a marital life. Scary, ha? I found it really funny (and disconcerting) so for a couple of weeks I was saying this to every yoga person I met (it was in India, so I must have said it hundreds of times) but nobody got particularly upset. But I guess it was a wrong kind of crowd. Worrisome as it is, add to it all the people and...stuff you had "affairs" with in your dreams. Ha! Now, that's unpleasant. So yes, sex dreams. Usually unwanted. Just imagine my dreams you have read about so far and add a pinch of sex in it. Very disturbing is what you get. With a few exciting exceptions. A small advice: Don't google "Weird sex dreams, am I normal?" You will get pregnancy in results. And cancer, of course.

4. WTF Marijana
But the ones that I love the most are the most absurd ones, the ones that make me think - WTF. Some of them the best experience I have ever had. Like when I was time. This is written correctly, I was time. Or fighting Voldemort: I yelled all the spells properly (I actually do know them!) and nothing worked and Voldemort laughed and said: Don't you know little girl that the spells have to be in Turkish? 
Or getting a TV from a three eyed Gypsy woman where I could watch my life and future and it even had options on the remote control like The happiest moments,The saddest moments, Most important people in your life and so on...And then an Australian girl stole my TV. 

3. Lucid Dreaming

And then you get the lucid dreaming (or don't). Oh. For those who don't know, in lucid dreams you are aware that you are dreaming and YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. Yaaay! Like the best date ever (I'm talking about flying, visiting hundreds of places and kissing on top of Himalaya that I found a bit too cold and turned it into spring time. And I also got to choose how the guy looks like). Beat that. And flying in general. Although sometimes it can get a bit inconvenient if you are in the middle of it and forget that it is a dream and you think "What is happening here, I am not supposed to fly..." and you start falling. And jump of the bed in shock. Or you dream you are a squirrel. And forget you dream and realise you have no idea how to be one. It is not easy being a squirrel. There is a lot of things that eat squirrels. And there are other squirrels. And it is all fun and games till someone gets raped. 

2. Animals
Animals are a big part of my dreams in general, I am cuddling with spiders, riding dragons, taking care of talking cats, swimming with polar bears and my dog Aslan usually takes on human characteristics like doing hostel shifts in stead of me (and I just switch of the alarm and oversleep) or following me in a shape of a midget jester. Once I dreamt that I died and came back as a cat. My mother knew it was me but my father put her into a nuthouse. So I went to my friend Darija. She loves animals so she would take me. One day I saw that the computer was on and Word was open. So I started typing with my paw and managed to write Marijana Mustra. And I wrote some more. And I started answering her questions. And long story short, everybody knew it was me, my mum was out of the hospital and would visit me from time to time (it was still a bit hard for her for obvious reasons), everybody was bringing me cat food and I was on TV. And I didn't have to be raped by other cats. It wasn't so bad after all.

1. God
And if you ever wondered what God thinks, imagine a vast green field and a cliff among the clouds and you are watching the whole world down. And now imagine God is sitting next to you:

God: World is a cruel place. 
Me: Why do you think so? 
God: Cause David Bowie never got an Oscar.

And for the end, a small piece of advice: Do google "I am talking to God, am I normal?"

Cause you'll get THIS.

And cancer, of course.


Sweet dreams, good night and don't let the bed bugs bite.
Or penises for that matter.