Since I wrote my heartbreaking earthshaking post how utterly sad I was and how everything turned out all right in the end and the fluffy creatures came back, I got a lot of messages how it made people laugh but it also made them cry. I had no idea that there actually was so many brokenhearted people in the virtual reality of my facebook and especially that they read all this nonsense that I am writing. As I wrote in the post I have this magic ability to attract sad people looking for advice although I am completely incompetent on giving one and most likely very bad for their health. But also a lot of you asked me what do I do to make myself feel so much better so soon and move on happy go lucky bullshitting along the yellow brick road so I decided to write down (yaaay I can write something again yaaay) my useless advice and save it for future reference. Next time someone asks me, I am sending the link. And I really want to see if I can pull this off.
So let's start. I chose 10 commandments for this since it already has a tradition of generating complete bullshit. And because I find it funny. Religions always are.
1. You shall have no other gods before yourself.
Nobody is better than you. And you are not better than anybody else. We are all just monkeys that eat and piss and walk around acting absurd and saying nonsense. And at some point in their lives these monkeys look around and see that another monkey has something else that they don't. And they feel less of a monkey. And they think another monkey is better than them. Life is so much nicer when you stop comparing monkeys. You are your own god and gods get the power from belief in them. Nobody is going to believe in you, they might say they are but they are just monkeys, what do they know. So don't go around feeling small and worthless. You are small and worthless but you are not any smaller and more worthless than anybody else so why feel like this. No matter how many times you got dumped.
2. You shall not make idols.
No, there was never a holy spark of light above his head and he is not handsome even when he is shitting and he is definitely not the smartest/funniest/most capable person out there (what else do women want?) oh and his penis is definitely not the best and it wasn't the best sex you have ever had and you never will with anybody else. If you have a functional body, you probably have at least 50% sorted out (it is a physical reaction after all) and there are people out there that you will have a mental connection with as well. You are not special. Or you are but just like everybody else. He is not the best person in the world. (If he was, he wouldn't be with you in the first place.) There is plenty of fish in the sea. And sharks and whales. And octopuses for that matter. I had a discussion once with one drunk guy in the hostel at 5am (it was my night shift so didn't have much choice) about how many times you can fall in love. He said Once. I said More! And I promised that the next time I fall in love I will send him an email. (Later he attacked me in the storage room but that's a completely different story). I still have his contact so I invite all of you to spam his brains out every next time we fall in love. Maybe "my heart has more rooms than a whore house" but I am sure everybody has, you just have to keep the door open.
3. You shall not take the name of the PROBLEM in vain.
So you wake up and think about how horrible your life is and you go to sleep thinking it is even worse. You are constantly talking about it. You keep repeating to yourself that you feel so miserable that it is absolutely impossible that you will ever feel better. You have dialogues in your head saying to yourself or others how useless and dark your situation is. You are making your problem grow every single second that you give your attention to it. And it is hard to shake it off once you are in this circle. So let's play a game. Imagine you are a ping pong ball. (once they told me on a stage fright therapy that I should just imagine I am a tree. I wanted to bomb the school.) Imagine everybody is some kind of flying object. So you have light and flexible objects and heavy ones. Every object will hit the ground eventually, ping pong balls will just bounce off and massive rocks will crush the ground even deeper. What defines which object you are is what you have in your head. I mean how much heavyness there is. So now, go on, think about your problems and crash the ground. It's your own fault.
4. Remember the nice days, to keep it holy.
I heard many times I wish I never met him and so on. No, you don't. In this bad moments everybody concentrates on all the shit that happened in the end and pain they feel at that moment and forget about all that absolutely wonderful, amazing, mind-blowing moments you had before that you would definitely re-live, even if it means you have to re-live the end as well.. There was no happiness in my life that i wouldn't repeat again even with the cost of extreme sadness later on. And this amazing moments will always be with you, like the best travel you had or the tastiest food you tried, you had a great moment with a person. Now, leave it and have some more other travels and food...and people. This is turning into a self-help blog.
5. Honor distractions.
It's all about time and not thinking about the pink elephant. With time any elephant will leave no matter how pink it is. In the mean time, distract yourself. If you can, go travelling. Travelling will heal any tortured soul, it is just too much input and there is no space left for the elephant. Go dancing, go partying. Don't drink too much in bars that are not fun for you, you will just end up crying on some guy's shoulder that might think you want to have a rebound sex with him (or as I once said drunk - a rebounce sex). Surround yourself with people, as many people possible. Call friends you discarded - Remember me? I was your friend when I didn't have a boyfriend. Meet new people, go to courses, events, join online dating (don't if you live in Turkey. Or Balkan countries)...Every person can teach you something you didn't know before and so on.
And look great! If you don't like yourself in the mirror (more than usual), you won't like yourself anytime soon.
...to be continued...
P.S. By reading this post, you agreed that you will not hold me responsible for any misfortune you had based on my advice.
P.P.S. I can't check does it make sense or how many millions of mistakes I made cause I can't see shit anymore. I think it is time for glasses.
And then if it all works out, you can end up on a picture like this.
And your whole life will all of a sudden make sense.
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